- Indianapolis Colts - Andrew Luck
Someone said he was good a couple of years ago.
- Washington Redskins - RG3
DC looks to snag their best QB1 since Doug Williams.
- Minnesota- Matt Kahlil
He is the second best player in this draft. Sorry Andrew Luck.
- Cleveland- Trent Richardson
Bye bye Peyton… Hillis…. Oh and hello Trent Richardson. We hope you enjoy it here in Cleveland, you’re gonna be an amazing NFL player. So we’re gonna hate to see you go 3 years from now.
- Tampa bay- Morris Claiborne
They love defense in Tampa Bay, almost as much as they love early bird specials.
- St. Louis – Justin Blackmon
“Ahahahahahahahahaha” says Stan Kroenke when they draft exactly who they really wanted to anyway.
- Jacksonville- Rielly Rieff
Nothing more fun than drafting offensive linemen right Jag fans? I mean someone’s gotta block for Tebow right? Oh wait.
- Miami – Quinton Coples
The Dolphins need help at tackle, defensive end, and ticket sales. Coples will help the dolphins not just rush the QB but also defend the run… and if he can do that the wins will sell tickets.
- Carolina – Michael Floyd
Newton’s law: What I throw up in the air has a good chance of coming down to someone taller than Steve Smith.
- Buffalo – Devon Still
Buffalo needs help with their pass rush, and even though Still’s a tackle he’s like huge dude lightning.
- Seattle – Whitney Mercilus
Dude had 9 forced fumbles last year… 9.
- Kansas City – Jonathan Martin
Um hello my name is Jonathan, I protected Andrew Luck, so yeah I’m a pretty big deal.
- Arizona – David DeCastro
The Cards will take the best offensive lineman available; they need massive help at guard and tackle.
- Dallas – Dre Kirkpatrick
Dre… more like DROY… Callin’ it now…. defensive rookie of the year.
- Philadelphia – Luke Kuechly
If the dream team can land the most decorated inside linebacker in the draft people could get crazy in Philly, you know like smile.
- NY Jets – Melvin Ingram
Don’t let the name like Melvin fool you, he’s actually quite a monster.
- Cincinnati – Kendall Wright
The Bengals snatch the best wide out on the board for the Ginga Ninja.
- San Diego – Courtney Upshaw
If he’s still on the board San Diego will be thrilled to fill their need at LB.
- Chicago – Mike Adams
- Tennessee – Peter Konz
Best center in the draft, how exciting for you Titans fans.
- Cincinnati – David Wilson
A bit of a reach here, but the Bengals need a running back, and this one can do a standing back flip. Suck on that Jerome Simpson.
- Cleveland – Stephen Hill
Shortly after this selection you’ll hear Browns fans whining about not taking Blackmon.
- Detroit – Cordy Glenn
The Loins are interested in linemen and this one has the most exciting Wikipedia page ever. I can’t wait to read what the seventh sentence will be.
- Pittsburg – Dontari Poe
The Ravens want this dude bad for the puns alone. And that’s reason enough for the Steelers to take him.
- Denver – Fletcher Cox
I doubt Fletcher will fall this far, but if he does Peyton Manning will draft him, as Denver needs some help at DT.
- Houston – Michael Brockers
Officially in need of defensive line help now that Mario’s jumped ship, they’ll take the best d-lineman available.
- New England – Stephon Gilmore
Although they have a great urge to take some white guy no one’s ever heard of here, they take arguably the second best corner in the draft.
- Green Bay – Andre Branch
I hope the Packers take that dude the Patriots were thinking about, however they get better at linebacker by taking Branch here.
- Baltimore – Mark Barron
Hey kid you don’t mind learning a thing or three from Ed Reed do ya? In the mean time you can play free safety right?
- San Fran – Coby Fleener
- New England – Kendall Reyes
He played tackle and end in college, and wasn’t really on the radar until he blew up at the senior bowl. So he’s exactly what Belichick wants.
- New York Giants - Dont’a Hightower
What do you get the kids that have everything? An inside linebacker.